It turns out when you're planning for something, and a huge storm comes in to turn your kitchen into a waterfall, you don't get anything done at all!

Last week a lot were slated to be released. But by the divine providence of the storm everything got flooded. There were a few leaks in my room but the kitchen turned into the hip indoor waterfall everyone wants in their house. Safe to say, other than studying, I couldn't get anything done :(

Not to worry though. At the start of this week, THEN the work begins again. It takes a lot of discipline to keep yourself in check. But we can't play all the time. Though I'd like to share a few things about the zine.

The idea came right after my friend passed away. I sat in the car while it was going to the hospital (for an entirely different, yet equally tense issue) and wrote the whole idea. Reserving the words as it is, its about saying what you wanted to say. Then started the writing. Its the first time I thought of the prompts and ideas instead of taking it from a song. Maybe these were song lyrics all along. But these go without a tune... yet.

I'm excited to share more soon! First, I gotta mop the floors though.

A little sappy essay here, if you want the commission announcement and the patreon announcement click here.

“A day certain is understood to be that which must necessarily come, although it may not be known when.”

For the past few weeks, my keyboard has been bruised. It’s been used from sunrise to sunset from constant typing. As the high of graduation fizzles out, I’ve been left with thoughts.

The ending chapter is a tough one to write, especially when you aren’t prepared for it. The easiest way to go about it is to write the reflection of your past.

When we face struggles, we try to ascertain meaning to it -- as if darkness comes through, and we try our best to put color to it. Four years being beset by sacrifices and disasters outside my control tested my ability to color the storm. It compounded what has been the turbulent journey of my academic life.

Without fetishizing my sadness, I had two breakups, friends who’ve come and gone, extreme bouts of loneliness, errors that barred me from any award (much to my post-graduation regret), and deaths that shouldn’t have come. The reaper came too early. There wasn’t any paint that I could use to color the storm clouds.

Maybe there were reasons. Maybe it could be explained by the recently-maligned burnt toast theory. But overcooked bread isn’t the band-aid for a deep cut. The only colors I felt that could splash are the bright flashes of yellow. It comes from the streaks we see during the sunset. The day is ending, but in a beautiful sight. And hope is what I try to cover grief with. Forgive my fatalistic views. Grief is the only way love ends. And the more we love, the harsher grief will be. And splashing colors on a monument to grief won't hide its shape.

But maybe we can build off of it, incorporate it in ways we never thought of. Love, grief, whatever you call it: It stays.

I can’t help but wonder how all the experiences, all the friendships we made, whether we liked it or not, make us who we are.

And when my day certain - graduation - had come, I still have no idea how I survived it. But walking on that stage, with nothing to my name, there was weight to the steps.

It was for the countless hours studying, for the grief of losing my friend, my uncle, and the loneliness from breakups; romantic or from a friend.

It was for the people who made me who I am for the past eight years, from my college years to my law school gauntlet. For my old pals who I couldn’t carry over for eight years, for my friend who was the bright flash in the dark, my uncle and my grandfather who passed. We are the sum of our experiences.

It was for my friends who poured time they couldn’t get back to understand me -- something I can’t give myself easily.

And with this I end with my gratitude:

For BURN, my guild, I don’t know how I belong. But thank you for the constant company especially when I’d sit down on my desk to read. For a bunch of pals who I have never seen in real life, you were one of the closest social circles I’ve been in. You guys were the only ones to make this shy kid talk; He’ll stay for the long run.

For my close group of friends -- I have no name for you yet -- thank you for holding my hand through college. If it weren’t for you, I’d be the same mopey cloud since 2017. It baffles me to see how many stayed and how that’s worth more than the number of people who know me. (Not to the latter’s prejudice).

For my followers, supporters: Thank you. I never knew I’d amass such a crowd. Despite being many, all of you had one constant value: Understanding. The art I make or the posts I write do not have popularity in mind. These were more shouts into a mountain range to see if anyone other than my echo would talk back. I’m glad that in some form somewhat, I am not alone in this hectic experience called growing up. And the same goes for each and every one of you. You aren’t alone.

I’m sorry that for the past few days I’ve gone a little cold turkey. Big changes are hard to process. I promise I’ll get back to my usual schedule!

And a few news for you guys, for reading it this far. (If you clicked on the link then hi i guess?)

I’m going to resurrect my patreon within the week, and I’m going to open commissions tomorrow.

It’s been two years since I last opened commissions. They’ve been closed indefinitely since my friend passed, as he was also one of my most ardent supporters and commissioners. Figured he wouldn’t want to be the reason why I stopped forever. (And I'm unemployed!)

For my patreon, the tiers are currently being planned. I’d like to shoot for early posting, exclusive WIPs, timelapses, and maybe commission discounts/priority. These are perks currently being debated and I’d like to know your inputs on this.

And: I’m working on a new zine. With my schedule being study-heavy recently, I can’t give a date of release yet. But I’ve been writing a lot, enough for a whole zine.

Back to the letter.

For my uncle.
For raiizn.
For my grandfather.

Each step on the stage is for you.

Blaze Redmond G. Silverwolf
Juris Doctor

Whoa. It's been a while hasn't it?

I apologize for the lack of consistent updates. April and May were extremely hectic months. The former swamped me with final requirements, and the latter was full of moments where I had to navigate the post-school, pre-bar exam part of my life. For once everything has become free time and it's overwhelming. Heck, even the awe of free time broke my brain to the point I got severely art blocked. Change is potent. And here I am trying to find things to do now! I'd like to lay down my plans for the next few months.

For the meantime, I'll be doing a lot of practice pieces just to make sure I won't lose any technical skill that I've somehow learned. Plus, it allows me to explore without thinking of a certain theme. Having to keep a certain brand of sadness and melancholy puts a limit on what I can draw. I'd like to break free from that, for now! The world is a massive place. There are many more opportunities to express the eternal melancholy we all feel.

But what am I practicing for? Teehee. Well I'm making a zine! It's currently in its planning stage, and I can't wait to say more details about it.

For this site, I'm going to add more art to the art page and officially launch this site! The completion of the art page is the only thing that is missing at this point. And maybe I'll clean up the code >.> But once launched, I'll spend a lot more time here and maintain this place not as a creative exercise but as an official part of my part of the internet. It's pretty neat doing all of this!

That's all for now. See you next update!

A good friend warned me that while coding this website, I would have to encounter javascript. I called his bluff. It was a bad call.

The sudden lull in the updates of this site isn't out of procrastination. It was the time when school picked up and I had to prepare for midterms. On top of that, I wanted to figure out how to tackle the art page. There were some options. One, replicate the way my art on carrd would be presented. That would take a lot of time learning and picking up modals and javascript. Two, just hyperlink the art tab to the carrd or cara. But that just defeats the purpose of coding this whole site wouldnt it? Or three, present the art by coding one page per art. That would just be tedious and repetitive, but the easiest.

Look, I wanted a challenge,,,

The plan was simple. The art page would be this collection of drawings all laid out. When someone clicks on it, a modal would pop-out showing the art and its details. I drew up some quick function that I learned from a single youtube video and managed to get one modal to pop out when clicking an image. Then I added two images and I didn't seem to get it working. So it stopped there. Then came a friend of mine who drew up a whole function and that kept the ball rolling. (Shoutout to PF, for the code! Now I will never come out of the hole!)

Eight sets of modals later and there we go! A beta version of the art page. Its still a test to see if everything works. So far there are only eight artworks posted. Better start small! There tends to be some changes when I import code from notepad++ to neocities. So before going on a large scale update, I'd rather put everything piece-by-piece. It makes working on mistakes faster and allows me to learn from them. Trial and error! Here's the link to try it out!

If anything is still broken, please do let me know! If none, then I'll be able to add more soon :>

So. You may have noticed...

Thats a lot of features and photos and graphics. I've been bitten by the bug of analog futurism that I think small gifs of it would make this place look cool. Surprisingly, its a struggle trying to get a hold of imgs and sizinng them properly. I've still got a lot to go before I can call this website done.

There's a new coat of paint though! Decided to stop fiddling around without a color pallette and just find one and use it. The colors are less dead now! Maybe incoherent? Yea... But its a good place to start.

Its safe to say however that neocities has taken over my life. Can't say how this will fit in the ecosystem of social media apps that I've built along the years. For such a creative exercise, I've been having so much fun having this little corner of the net. I can't wait to finally show this off to everyone (unless, they found this first!)

Here's a bunch of cool things I've added to wrap this journal up.

• Gifs!
• Featured Music
• A man of the hour section, which shows who my latest brainrot is
• Website hits!
• A clock thats too big for this site.
• Guestbook thats too bright!

Thats all for now. See you next journal!

Hey! I've been doing some designing here and there. For once, the bulletin board looks like an actual board, and the journal entries look like stationaries (I hope.)

The aesthetic that I want to go with this website is some sort of an office desk. You've got your stationaries, you've got your folders, you've got a bulletin board. Heck, I might even add a calendar and a clock. That's just some of what I've been working on. The navbar on the top is supposed to resemble the tabs of a folder, y'know.

But not all is mired in bureaucratic aesthetic. I want to add buttons and pins soon. That's the hallmark of a site like this! I've been looking through the sites that others made, and it screams personality and individual expression. Its far more than what the usual social media site can give you. Internet users yearn for the sweet and colorful eye-popping customization.

I'll possibly add all those cool buttons to a third column on the right one day. (For anyone looking at this in the future, the home page when I wrote this has two columns.) For now, my focus is on getting the website to look decent on mobile. If I want this site to be useful on the go, then I'd have to take the plunge with the media queries and mobile layouts... I'm not really looking forward to that. But after that hump, then and only then can I add the fun stuff! (And then make it responsive again >.>), and then finally release this website to the wild (basically posting the link to my bluesky account). I haven't gone this deep into HTML and CSS in a while, but that's a story for another day! Till then, see ya!

There we go, some items crossed out from the to-do list.

I've added two new pages to this site, the about page and the journal page The first one contains a short about page that I've lifted from my carrd. Hopefully I'll be able to expand on this more, but also would keep this short and sweet. I'd rather not end up oversharing by accident! The second one contains a list of the journals I'll write for this website. It's a good way to keep the journals in another page, and leave the two latest journal entries in the home page.

Oh yeah, if you look at the homepage, you'll see a bulletin board. It's my way of adding little decorations for this website. I've always believed in the idea that to live in the present, you gotta celebrate the holidays that come with it. Not only that, but to keep a good eye on current events. It helps us to remember that time is passing, and to prevent the months from merging together.

Well, that's it from me right now. I'll try to keep constantly updating this site and make it look better. Hopefully, I can get on to the bare-bones-ness of this site.

Its crazy but it took me a full nights rest to realize I can build my website in notepad++ locally to test it out before putting it here for the rest to see. That will be the flow as I go on with this website.
I might take the aesthetics and concept to the drawing board first before going completely into working on this place. But I am really excited for this place. May just work on the plans on my sick day tomorrow.

Sup! If you stumbled across this page, its because I gave the website link to either my server, or my Guild Wars 2 guild's server. In this case, welcome! But if you're here and youre not from those uhh... how did you find me and whats your favorite math equation?????? I've been planning to add things in this webpage, and in its extremely early infancy you may experience drastic changes when you refresh.

Speaking of plans, thats what it says on the left box. Its not an exhaustive list! I might add or delete some as time goes on. The idea though is that for the longest time, I've been trying to make a site with the Journal functionality of deviantArt, with the ability to post art, and a place where I can also ramble about what I've been doing with my life in a non-microblog way. Will this replace my carrd? I'm not so sure. You can't fix what isn't broken But for now, enjoy the (somewhat steady) stream of updates!

Oh by the way, this site isn't mobile friendly! Currently working on it :D