"tell me if you wanna go again."

something for a friend. someone who i think i'll never see again.

i've been addicted to grouping values lately and focusing heavily on a focal point. it makes it easier for me to keep the background abstract and heavily implied! (and also allows me to just go wild on the brushstrokes)

"we used to worry about the simple stuff.
now it just seems like each news is worse than the last.
anyway, what do you want to drink?"

decided to try my hand at drawing a convenience store scene while applying what ive learned in adding depth in paintings. i guess this is a good place to start!

"Oh, and I'm afraid that's just the way the world works
It ain't funny, it ain't pretty, it ain't sweet
Oh, and I'm afraid that's just the way the world works
But I think that it could work for you and me
Just wait and see
It's not the end of the story"

This was made at a time the whole world was reeling from bad news after bad news, and was suffering from every horrible headline that was thrown at them. It was also a time when I was enountering some form of aimlessness and loneliness. Heck, I dont even remember how i made this now.

“cause you were the one thing i knew i couldn't lose
and i let you slip past me, and now im doomed”

At this time I still had really hard bouts of loneliness, and seeing by the lyrics, also echo brainrot. It was also an attempt at making paintings that look blurry (literally). Really gunning for that film camera look. I should've just bought one in real life, but that's cheating!

"back when i was living for the hope of it all."

This is where I had so much fun trying to replicate the film camera vibe. It also helps that the lighting sets the mood and allows a lot of the shadows to blend together. All the blur and the noise came together here. It was peak. I was one peak.

"for once, for once, for once, i get the feeling that I'm right where I belong
why am i the one always packin' up my stuff?"

It always seems so hard
At some point I have to be the one leaving the good times, or I have to call it a day on a good relationship. Things have to end. But I always find myself leaving instead of staying. And the worst part of it, I'd always feel alone. I'd be the only one.

"no alarms and no surprises, please"

There are times when everything just comes into a crescendo. This day was one of them. Being bored is tough, but sometimes its the peace we all wanted. Just let everything stop for a moment. Just let everything relax. Maybe we'd be a little bit more okay.

"you gotta get better, youre all that ive got."

There's always the morning after. I don't know how to describe that feeling. The moment when you finally fall asleep to get some rest after an emotionally heavy day. You wake up to a new feeling. Your thoughts are scattered all over the floor, so you take your time to gather them. The sun is up. The birds are chirping. The world moved forward. But you haven't. You're chained to a point in time, the last second when anything made sense. Its a drag to get yourself off the bed. It's a pain to stare at yourself in the mirror. The face you see isn't yours anymore. Maybe I did describe that feeling after all.

"but theres one thing missing, did my sense of loving leave too, with you?"

Made this as part of a time when I drew the scenes of the night. I got inspiration from the collective feeling of winding down for the night, and reverting to our personal lives. The lives we don't really show when we're outside. You can't help but relax. But sometimes, all you get is loneliness. While everyone has somebody to share those nights with, you only have yourself. Nightshift wanted to capture these scenes. It's that solemn feeling.

"i've got a shattered heart for one whole year.
i think its time to shift my gears
and i'll find a place where i belong."

This is where it all started. This drawing changed the way I approach art. Its as simple as using reference and learning how to use it. From there, I decided to incorporate more planning and research into my paintings. It's sorely academic. Like it would limit my creativity. But art isn't just the technical prowess. It's the expression that will shine. And I bet this study is proof of that.

Why'd you have to lead me on?
Why'd you have to twist the knife?
Walk away and leave me bleedin', bleedin'?

Something about Say Don't Go by Taylor Swift really pulled me. Maybe it's because it mirrors the emotional hollowness of my previous relationship. Anyway, this is one of those times where my affinity for trying to mix the feeling of a photo and painting showed. A photo is static at times. It stays still. Painting allows you to evoke emotion. It loses edges for feelings. And when put together, it feels more alive.

i'm supposed to live in the moment
but theres alarm bells ringing in my head
everyone's another blurry figure
somebody else's supposed to be here

I wish there was a word for this emotion. You break up with someone, and you feel like you have no one else to talk about the mundane parts of your life. No one is there to listen to the 10th time you forgot to buy mouthwash. And when you meet someone new, you have to impress them all over again. You put on a face. It's not what you feel, but what they might want. It's like a hook, and you have to reel them in. Because what stranger would want to listen to you about mouthwash and shopping? You built a brand, now live with it.

"when you walk outside in your suit and your tie, do you feel like the best?
when you spice it up for a mindless fuck, do you see someone else?
when you take up the room, just for you, i presume, are you proud of yourself?
oh i wonder every night in bed, how do you see yourself?"

One of the angstiest songs(?) I wrote for a painting. The art itself is simple, but the lyrics were charged. It feels like me clawing the question to my ex: with everything that you do, with all that you are, all of the pain you put me through, and the friends you hurt, how do you see yourself? What does the face in the mirror look like? Are you proud? Are you the hero? All you ever thought of was yourself anyway.

Ok that was too charged. Just press the back button, yeah?